Drastic Dieting with Stephanie Queen (and Myren)
Like everyone, I’m a work in progres
Mostly, it’s all about losing weight, dieting to get healthier, look better have more energy, be able to walk up and down the stairs without creaking and cringing (me, not the stairs). Mostly. it’s about trying to keep my body together enough so I’ll be able to walk my cat around the block when I reach the age where that kind of thing would be the highlight of my day.
[I know–because Myren is snorting in the background and yelling ‘This proves you’re a nut because you don’t walk cats down the street’–that it’s unconventional to walk a cat. But I tell him it depends on the cat and the street and it’s a perfectly acceptable thing to do in the city. He reminds me we don’t live in the city and I accuse him of having no imagination. After that, I finally get silence, albeit a chilly silence, so I can continue about the point of this whole post.]
First, let me say that I’m not a fan of dieting. I love food. The more, the better. The more butter, the better. I’m addicted to fat and most of all, those sinister carbs [note the Cheez-It habit among other equally bad habits]. Honestly, I don’t know how I’m not already a 400 pound rolly-polly mound. I should be a jolly smiling female Santa-sized lady by now.
If I keep with my current trend of gaining 10 pounds a year, it won’t be long. Thus the need for drastic measures. My drastic plan is the 10 Day Belly Slim Down Diet. The claim is that you can lose up to 10 pounds and a mile of inches off your waist–or some such miraculous result.
The Drastic Measures
Eat only between noon and 7pm. Sounds easy, right? Not so much. I don’t remember watching the clock with such anticipation since I was a grade-schooler waiting for the final bell. It wouldn’t be so bad, but my count down util noon by day 3 of this diet is now starting at 9:30a.m.
Maybe I should quit working out. [Myren is wondering when I started working out and I give him an
2. Work out for an hour each day. Sounds easy-peasy. I don’t mind going to the gym. Unless it’s raining. Or too cold. Or too hot. Or if I didn’t sleep well. Or, and this is becoming a real problem, if I’m too starved from lack of food and have as much energy as a sloth in hibernation. [see previous point.]
3. Eat no carbs. No bread. No rice. No pasta. No candy. No cookies. No cake. No nothing that I love to eat, including Cheez-Its! I’ve resigned myself to 10 days of this in hopes that I will then no longer crave food with any substance or deliciousness.
4. I don’t even remember what number 4 is, I’m crying too hard to concentrate.
BUT, after only two days, I did lose 3 pounds. Maybe it was water weight from all the crying. [Myren says he can tell I lost weight and that I should keep dieting. I’m trying to ignore the devilish twinkle in his eye. NOTE: Myren is a skinny scrawny character with the eating habits of a vacuum cleaner.]
I am NOT going to post a before picture. Call me vain. Call me chicken. [Myren says he’s calling me smart–no need to scare you all off with a picture. That darn Myren. Isn’t he so funny.]
But I will promise to post an AFTER picture with results – real, honest to goodness before and after stats–on day 11.
Tune back in for Day 11 Results on Wednesday, July 11th.
Maybe I’ll even post recipes and a video!
**NOTE: This post is in no way an endorsement of any diet! Heaven forbid!
#diets #Lifestyle #good #cooking #Funny #Humor #humorous #Myren #dieting