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Myren (my chauffeur) says Merry Christmas! (sort of)

If you know Myren (my chauffeur), then you know how hard it would be for him to actually say Merry Christmas. Well, maybe he didn’t exactly say Merry Christmas, maybe he said something like Darn#!%$^& Christmas. Close enough for Myren.

He’s Cheer Challenged. (I would call him grumpy, but he’s standing nearby and he has a sixth sense about when I’m calling him names). What do I mean by Cheer Challenged, you say?

Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean by Cheer Challenged.

When he drove me to the mall the other day, I stopped to put a few dollars into the Salvation Army Kettle and when the Santa ringing the bell said “Thank you and Merry Christmas. You’re an example of the goodness of humanity.” Myren said, “You’re kidding, right? Watch out or one of the good humans will steal your kettle.”

I ran ahead and pretended I didn’t know him. But Myren caught up with me and scowled back at all the staring people.

When we saw a group of children singing Christmas Carols–they were adorable–Myren complained that they were off-key. On the way home, when I insisted on listening to the radio that played Christmas music he grumbled and refused to turn up the volume. Until I started singing along–then he turned up the volume really loud.

When we got out of the car and he tore his pants, I told him that was karma getting back at him. He said it was business as usual in this cruel, cruel world.

So I decided Grumpy Myren (there–I said it!) needed something good to happen to give him some seasonal cheer. But what on earth would cheer up such a sourpuss?

Clearly the usual festive Christmassy things didn’t help–made him worse if anything.

So I put on my thinking cap and thought. “What’s the one thing that Myren loves to do?”

Then it came to me.

So I bought him a bottle of whiskey made him his favorite meal, homemade chicken parmesan. Did it work, you ask? I’m not sure. Hard to tell with Myren, but he hasn’t said bah humbug under his breath in the last thirty minutes and he didn’t complain that the cupcakes were store bought.

The real test will be when I force him to watch It’s a Wonderful Life later. Wish me luck! (Last year he accidentally broke a few tree ornaments when he threw them across the room…His story is that he was playing with the cat. The cat isn’t talking.)

I’ll tell him it could be worse–I could be making him watch a Hallmark movie…

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